Strap-on harnesses offer delightful opportunities to enjoy insertion fun without the need for a penis. This doesn't mean that a strap-on is the same as a penis; far from it. A strap-on is another opportunity for delightful sensation fun. Classically, a strap-on harness is thought of as a toy for lesbians wanting to fuck and be fucked. Certainly, this is one use, but it is a one-dimensional view of an exceptionally fun toy.
First of all, dildos are available in an unbelievable range of sizes, shapes, colors and materials (see our article and dildo listings). You can get dildos that look like real penises. There are even kits to cast your own from a favorite cock (see our listings). Secondly, a strap-on is much more than a sexual fashion accessory; it can be an expression of dominance, an opportunity to explore new sensuality, or just plain fun.
Understanding a Strap-On Harness
A strap-on harness is a belt and additional straps to allow someone (usually a woman, but more about that later) to firmly attach a dildo to her body. Classic strap-on harnesses are of two basic designs: two-strap and three-strap. From the front they look pretty much like the photo above. Note that the dildo-holder is supported by two straps in front. Some harnesses have a single front strap, but they tend to be less stable and the dildo isn't attached securely over the right spot.
Right spot? Yup, think about it; if you are using your dildo to fuck someone, there will be a bit of motion and pressure change directly behind where you fasten the dildo. If the dildo is positioned over the clitoris, the strap-on will provide nice orgasms while you fuck. Single front strap harnesses tend to "wander" and the dildo will end up off center and reduce your fun. Some harnesses attach a leather base plate directly to the belt, and this plate supports the dildo. This is more stable than the single strap design, but we prefer the type illustrated above.
The back of the harness defines its type. There are 2-strap and 3-strap harnesses (technically, the kind illustrated above is a 4-strap since it has two front straps and two rear straps. Now, the 3 (or 4) strap harnesses are built like a men's jock strap. There are two rear straps that leave the anal area available (and if the harness is worn high enough, the pussy is also available. The 2-strap has a single rear strap that runs through the butt crack and attaches to the belt in the rear. Which style you choose is a matter of preference, but bear in mind that a strap-on needs to be worn tightly, so if you don't like that butt-floss feeling, select a 3-strap.
Fitting your harness
The harness needs to be adjusted carefully. Most good harnesses have a way you can get in and out of them without losing your adjustments. It's important that the first time you wear one, you take the time and trouble to get it on correctly. If you don't have help, just take your time. Start by putting a dildo in the harness. Next, loosely strap it on by the waist belt. Leave the ass strap(s) loose fitting. Next, center the dildo over your clitoral area. Now tighten the waist belt so that the dildo holds in the right position. Lastly, tighten the rear straps to put solid pressure on your pussy. Push and pull the dildo in all directions. Make sure that it stays put. Now you are ready to use it.
Putting it into action
Obviously, there are three possible insertion points for your strap-on: the ass, the mouth, and in women, the pussy. There are safety issues. See our article Dildo Safety for information on safe use of dildos and plugs. Remember, that there is a very big difference between taking a dildo or plug inserted by hand and being fucked by someone wearing a strap-on. Insertion and hand-fucking is much more gentle than even the most delicate strap-on action.
Strap-on sex has the force of a full body behind it. The dildo you can take easily when inserted, even moved in and out, by hand, might well become unbearable when used in a strap-on harness.
Learning to take it
The key to successful strap-on sex is conditioning. The first and most critical step, particularly with anal penetration, is getting the recipient used to penetration with a toy. For this discussion, let's assume you are a woman who wants to teach her male partner to accept an anal strap-on.
Step one is teaching him to accept anal attention. A good way to do this is to lube a finger with petroleum jelly while you are giving him oral sex. The key is patience and going very very slowly. The first time, just gently run your lubed finger around the rim of his anus. Don't even attempt to go in. The next time probe gently. If he is tight, don't force your way in. He will learn to associate arousal (your sucking) with anal stimulation. You should make a point of fairly constant anal contact whenever you suck him. He will learn to associate arousal with anal contact.
After a while you will find it fairly easy to get that finger inside. When you do, resist the temptation to move it in and out. It is far more comfortable to accept something that isn't fucking. If he wants motion, you will feel his hips move a little. If they do, then move your finger in and out slowly. Over time, go to two fingers, then three.
By the time you get two fingers in, you are ready to introduce a toy. A small (about 1 inch diameter) dildo is a good starter. The objective is to get him to let you hold it inside him, not fuck him. Go from there to a small butt plug. A small plug won't stay in by itself, but it is more comfortable than a dildo. It will take a lot of work to accept a medium plug. It is a big step. However, he will be an active partner by the time you are ready to move to medium plugs.
Also work with larger dildos. Work up to one that is about 7 inches long and about 1 3/4 inches in diameter. When he can easily take this dildo and accept slow-to-medium speed At that point you are ready for the first strap-on fun, and so is he. Don't start strap on fucking with the larger dildo, go back a size. Remember your motion will be harder to take than the hand fucking you have been doing.
What you will discover is that by taking it slow and by teaching him to associate arousal with anal penetration, you have developed a partner who will love being fucked by you. Where you take it from there is up to you.
